oasis974 : 23092025

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Mmm… I don’t think she did all the right things. She was right to not lead the guy along any further, but as I see it, she made several mistakes. It’s not because she’s a bad person. No, it’s because she was too NICE and felt too guilty.

1) She wasn’t completely honest with him. When he did whatever he did to turn her off, she should have told him about it. If not right there and then, at least afterward, on the phone, or via email. She should have done it before their next in-person meeting.

2) Because she wasn’t honest or communicating, he probably thought what he was doing was fine, and he just needed more patience. Happily and ignorantly he thought they were on their way to boyfriend and girlfriend, and bought her a teddy bear. How pathetically beta, right? Except he was acting on incomplete information and going by the cultural script.

3) Rather than communicating (talk! write! text! anything!) clearly, she decided she would try to force her body into tingles by getting the guy to second base. When that didn’t work, she decided it was all over and finally communicated with brutal honesty (which is good). But before that, all of her actions were greenlighting him, while all of her thoughts were yellow and red.

Don’t think I’m coming down too harshly on her, because I’ve been there and done that. Those exact same things, too. I would even feel too guilty to dump the guy, so I would just aim to please while subsuming my own desires. At least she could bite the bullet and pull off the band-aid.

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