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strategy, because there’s little cost for failure other than going home alone. It’s like swinging for the fences in batting practice – there’s no penalty for whiffing. But it’s rarely a successful long term strategy. Failure catches up to most irrational high rollers sooner rather than later.

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Bloom says:
September 5, 2014 at 2:37 pm
Maybe this should be a separate post on my blog but to answer your question Ton, there is a lot a single mom can do to reassure a guy she gets and is worth the risk. For one, I think it’s important in all families (bio and blended) that the primary relationship comes first, kids next. A good friend who is a therapist once said that’s what makes for happy healthy kids, dad is king, mom is queen, and then the kids just fall in line and can relax and be kids. I think it’s really true. Obviously moms need to be extra careful in their selection of a mate, and ensure there’s good energy and dynamics between everyone. Next a single mom can make sure her kids tow the line and are well behaved and easy to be around. Sure kids have their moments, but kids who are constantly out of control or brats are not ok. She needs to be a good mom and woman already, not a gal looking for someone else to take on her responsibility. She needs to make sure the kids know they can’t triangulate or get in the middle. She needs to communicate with her mate about things like discipline and how and who is going to handle that and so on. And yes she needs to acknowledge that the man is doing a big good thing by being open to a ready made family and to be sure she’s showing him lots of appreciation for that. These are just some things I can think off offhand. It’s not easy, but it can be done and I have seen it work, and while some single moms are a train wreck, not all are. Like w any women, vet carefully, have requirements, standards, and limits. Keep the kids far out of the dating loop until things get serious. They don’t have to meet everyone. When families blend, the kids and step parents also bond, and so there’s that risk too all around, if there is a breakup, lots of hearts are n the line. Best to really really really be sure before going there, and if folks do, know it means for life.

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