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The Walk
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Neil Strauss' Evolution
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My First Sober Heartbreak
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I don't care who does what with who as long as they're all having fun.

Now if only they'd stop going to great lengths to define, redefine, compartmentalize, psuedo-philosiphize, PCize, unPC-ize it.
Unregistered User on October 25, 2010 at 4:41 PM · Report this

33"relationship choice?!"
that's a bit of a misleading label too. what's the flipside of that - is that inferring that monogamous couples aren't choosing their relationships?
does that infer that even though a couple has chosen to be together for life, that something someone else chose/forced them into their relationship?
i think the continuing search for refined terms is a good one. not sure if i like "relationship choice" if it only refers to uh, polys.
onion on October 25, 2010 at 11:46 PM · Report this
34
> "relationship choice?!"
> ...is that inferring that monogamous
> couples aren't choosing their relationships?

No! Loving More and the PLN make a big point of supporting people choosing monogamy if that is what's right for them.

What it means is that people should have the knowledge and awareness of options, and the freedom, to live whatever way the decide is right for them.

Alan M.
Polyamory in the News
http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com

alan7388 on October 26, 2010 at 1:35 PM · Report this
35@29--"Part of developing a love-relationship with people outside of your primary relationship involves dating. And dating sometimes involves fucking. After fucking, sometimes that dating relationship doesn't evolve into the poly love bliss that you imagined it might - and that's ok. But then the poly purists might jump down your throats and tell you that you just experienced an 'open relationship'. This is just silly. As any poly person knows, communication is key, and I don't think it's a bad thing that that has to start with what kind of relationship you have and/or are looking for."

Yes! This sums up my feelings exactly. On the one hand, I totally get what @16 is saying-- I have both a husband and a boyfriend, and it's endlessly frustrating to me when people invalidate my relationship with my boyfriend by assuming it's all about sex. But on the flipside of that, I think about my husband, who hasn't yet happened to become involved in an additional serious relationship. If he has sex with someone and it doesn't end up turning into anything more, then is he in an "open relationship" while I'm "polyamorous"? That is, like you say, just silly.

The only point at which I'm a bit uncomfortable with people using the term polyamorous is if the terms of their relationship explicitly prohibit emotional ties--ie. if someone has a rule "you can fuck whoever you want, but no actual relationships allowed." I don't feel like too much of a purist for drawing the line and saying that's far more of a sexually open relationship than it is polyamory. But if casual sex just happens to be all that's happening at a given point in time for one or more partners? I don't see any reason not to consider that poly.