On Jealousy
Awkard Moments in Dating
Why Online Dating Sucks
My foolproof dating … don’ts
On Valentine’s Day
My boyfriend is the complete opposite from me! Can it work?
How to deal with an attention seeking friend
Feminism Killed Chivalry

Reply


Aldonza Says:
January 28th, 2011 at 11:39 am
Some guys really do have trouble moving on. Part of the problem is that these were the “marrying type” guys. Committed. “Betas” as the manosphere might derisively term them. They played by the rules. Married relatively young. Worked hard. Divorce threw them. They probably did contribute to the end of their marriage and some of them were even the ones to leave, but they seem to have a much harder time accepting it.

So, a savvy woman wanting a commitment has learned to eschew the “alphas”, the players who never settled down because she knows they’re just good-time guys. She looks for the “betas”, the ones who are good fathers to their children, the guys who show their interest clearly, who don’t play around, who want to be a boyfriend fairly early on. Except…because they are the honorable types, they’re still committed to their past, their children, and yes, their exes, sometimes to the exclusion of you.

There is no right answer. There are 40-something divorced women with kids who think they deserve 100% of the resources of a man for them and their children (usually in addition to the resources they get from the father.) And there are 40-something divorced men who feel that because they “gave at the office” they don’t have to invest anything more in a new relationship, but still expect all the perks (sex, meals, emotional intimacy) from his new one.

Life doesn’t work that way. At a very basic level, unless you’re a raging codependent, there needs to be some parity between what you invest in a relationship and what you get out. If not, it’s destined to end badly.

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