BDSM that doesn't involve traditional sex can also be a way for the sexually monogamous to have a limited type of intimate connection with other people. This school of thought is summed up by the Dolly Parton quote, "It don't matter where you work up your appetite, as long as you eat at home." It's like couples going to a strip club and buying lap dances for each other.
Some dominants who withhold sex from a submissive are employing what I call "the bonsai strategy." Erotic dominant/submissive role-play requires tension and mystery. By encouraging sexual attraction but denying its release, the dominant restricts the relationship at a certain stage of emotional growth and thus prolongs the arc of the submissive's infatuation and idealization of the dominant.
And there's also a set of people who just prefer to enjoy the endorphin buzz of purely physical BDSM with a trusted platonic friend. "It's like hugging—with an edge," says Alyson.
Of course, there are many ways to experience pleasure. Doing BDSM is emotionally and mentally pleasurable to me, and I feel that pleasure in my body. But I'm not usually results-oriented about it. Being open to unusual pathways of pleasure is what got me here in the first place, so I don't place many restrictions on how it has to look now. recommended